(originally posted 7/19/2009)
Our new neighbors in a roundabout way warned us of this. We are the only beach on the end of the bluff. In certain winds it collects seaweed, dead fish, sticks, spent fireworks, etc. Well it also appears to collect renters.
So up for the week is Renter Larry. Renter Larry decides to rent not only a cottage but a sailboat too. He's done some sailing in his youth. No problem. Boat rental place is only about 4 miles away from the rental cottage. Renter Larry decides to sail the boat back to the cottage. But the cottage is in Penn Yan and the Rental place in Branchport. That means this pesky thing called the Bluff is in the way. So the 4 miles by land is now about 12 miles to sail. With a nice West wind they can do 4 miles an hour no problem…a three-hour tour (queue the music Gilligan).
So Renter Larry and niece set sail. Renter Larry is smart enough to put his cell phone in a baggie. The lake runs North-South and the wind is West blowing anywhere from 5 to 15
mph. The sailing was probably easy all the way to the end of the bluff, no tacking, no gybing, maybe some puffs here and there. But the hill upwind of them kept the wind speeds down. Then they get to the dreaded Bermuda Triangle where the branches combine. Not only does the gusty wind funnel from the branches but all the boat waves and boat traffic do too. Renter Larry and niece find themselves capsized. This boat is unsinkable and easily righted. They get it up and struggle back into the boat and are getting situated (not really sailing yet) when the driverless boat suddenly gybes bringing the boom across hard and hitting Renter Larry square in the forehead.
Now I'm filling in the details a bit liberally for entertainment purposes. So I'll leave out the imagined screaming and panic and assume he said something like "ouch." Renter Larry's niece flags down a nearby boat - a rental party boat. Rental party family gets Renter Larry and niece in the rental party boat, ties up the rental sailboat and heads for the only beach in the area, albeit covered in seaweed and dead fish.
Now here's where we first see the happenings so I can switch to actual facts and first hand experiences.
The Hawk family is busily cleaning up from the prior day's party. Julie yells to me "we've got company!" I look and see party boat towing piece of crap sailboat toward us. I think "they must be headed for the wrong place. Renters are next door." Then the realization sets in that they aren't turning and I think "Oh what the hell. This will cut into my hammock time."
At this point Renter Family Dad is driving Renter Family Pontoon boat right at the beach. They are yelling "we need help!" Well duh! "Call 911!"
"Oh crap" I think. The guilt creeping into my head is pushed out by the fact that I now am knee deep in the lake "catching" rental family party boat. I yell "Julie! Call 911!"
Here's Julie's moment of glory to which she now can also claim RESCUE HERO status. She jumps up off the couch, goes to the phone, and...(dramatic pause) dials 9-1-1. I scan the rental party boat and see nobody of concern. I'm thinking the guy must be another dead body sunk in the cave under the bluff. Then he sits up. Renter Larry is an older guy, at least older than me. He's soaked, shaking like the Wizard of Oz Lion, blood covering his face, smeared blood all over his shirt, dripping cell phone in his left hand, and a giant green M&M on his forehead. Well now we're getting somewhere. Obviously a giant green M&M projectile has embedded itself in Renter Larry's forehead.
I get the rental family party boat spun around and get rental family Dad to shut off the motor just before it grounds or chops off my leg. Julie starts asking 911 operator questions. Rental party boat family ties up the rental party boat and drags the rental sailboat onto the debris beach. We drop shaking Rental Larry onto a lounge chair and cover him up with towels. Julie is on with 911, Danny is placed on dog control, Emily builds an ice pack to replace the M&M cooler freezer pack he has on his head, Kristen stands on the dock ready to flag down the Sheriff's boat.
And now we wait. Renter Larry is using the towels to try to dry his cell phone. He's shaking enough that he is basically a power buffer. Phone's dead.
Ideas start kicking in. Let's get people out of their wet clothes. "But I'm not cold" says Renter Larry. Well that doesn't faze us in the least. Emily gets clothes for Renter Larry's niece. I take renter Larry inside to change. In the kitchen we stop to get replacement paper towels to sop up the blood. I also wet a couple to wipe his face. While I'm doing that he bends over an looks at his reflection in the microwave door. "Boy I'm a mess," he says. Then a second later "Can you take a picture?"
Relief. The dude will be fine. I take his picture.
Larry decides he wants to stay in his own clothes but he has to pee. Renter Larry's niece is in the bathroom. "Can I use the woods?"
Back to the lounge chair. And we wait.
Hey! New idea. Hot chocolate! Emily off to make the cocoa.
Danny up to the top of the driveway to flag down rescue vehicles.
And we wait.
Sherriff's boat shows up. Rental party boat is in the only parking spot. Two landing attempts and we have him parked at the end of the pier.
Jerry from Jerry's bait and Tackle shop shows up in his pickup truck. Well now we're safe. He spies the beer on ice, and the ice on head, and makes the right choice and heads for Renter Larry's lounge chair.
Over the next 5 minutes a collection of volunteers and vehicles show up with one fire department rescue vehicle coming down the driveway.
Jerry yells to the gang "You cancel AT?" Someone replies "Yup." I'm standing with a visitor riding along with the Sheriffs on the boat. I ask what "AT" stands for. Air Transport. Mercy Flight. Awww man! Now that would have been cool. There is no good landing area anywhere near. I had visions of winching Rental Larry up into the helicopter like a Coast Guard rescue.
I join a bunch of guys scratching their heads trying to decide if they bring the ambulance down. They ask me "Ever have an ambulance down here before?" We talk about the prior owners and heart attacks and stabbings, dumpster trucks up and down the driveway, how we just bought this place and how great it is except for the beach collecting dead fish. "What kinds of fish?" Really that's where they go with this conversation? Apparently we had time to kill. We decide to bring the ambulance down. Later I found skid marks half way down the driveway. Hmmm.
The ambulance shows up. I know this because I hear them trying to turn around up top for easily three or four minutes - beep beep beep backing up. Renter Larry is better. His shaking stopped. He's up and around shaking hands. He has a big bandage around his head including his sunglasses on top of his head. They are there for good now. He could have walked up the driveway.
After some long goodbyes Renter Larry is hauled off to the hospital for stitches. Jerry and his bait and tackle truck gets turned around and leaves. The fire rescue truck eventually gets turned around and leaves. The sheriffs come back to the boat and Julie is about to leave with Renter Larry's neice to take her back to Renter Larry's cottage. I'm chatting with the Sheriffs since I have 5 points on my license and need all the brownie points I can get. We talking about the helicopter lift two weeks before and the rumors from that incident. Since I was talking to the person that did the rescure he told me the reality. Then he holds up a finger with one hand and cups his shoulder microphone with the other. He says some sheriffy number stuff followed by "Can you repeat that?" He turns to the other guy and says "We have a car fire on East Bluff Drive Extension." The radio spits out the address again as "Just North of the boating accident" Can this day get any better?!
The Sheriffs run up the driveway with a fire extinguisher. I still don't know the story but there is evidence of a car fire in the next parking area up the road. I wonder if it was a volunteer's car? I stopped and chatted with the neighbors. It wasn't theirs.
Julie dropped off Renter Larry's neice at the rental cottage. Renter Larry's whole clan including great grandma was there. And Julie had the privilege of saying "Here's your neice. Oh and by the way, Renter Larry is in the hospital."
Renter Larry is fine. He got a bunch of stitches and some super glue to hold his forehead together. The rental boat place towed his rental boat to his rental cottage. I don't think they will use it. I dropped off his leftovers from the cottage. The whole family treated me like the hero with handshakes and back slaps.
Vacations are for making memories. Rental Larry has a few new ones.
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