What's a Wiz Nut

Emily, Danny, and Emily’s friend Emma built the lift Sunday morning. And I have to say it looks correct! While they were building the lift I was doing other chores. Let’s go with that. Yes.

So here’s how it went. First I suggested that they build the lift near the house and carry it to the lake later. This way they can listen to music (Pandora on streaming wireless!) and be closer to the tools. After some discussion they never made a decision so I simply dropped the large side pieces of the lift in the front yard making the decision for them. After some carting of the pieces to the yard, I opened the box, handed the instructions to Emily and said “Here you go” and left.

“Wait! What do we do?”

“Read. What are the first words of the instructions?”

Emily reads “Step 1…”

So I go over behind the car and start moving the debris pile more out of the way creating parking. It’s a job I can do that is easily interrupted. I figure I have at least until step 3 before I’m called back.

“Dad?”

I come back to find everything exactly as I left it. They are on step 1, but are debating who gets to read the instructions and who has to work. They wanted me to referee. Not a chance. I go back to work.

“Dad?”

I walk back.

Emily is holding up a huge bag of nuts and bolts. “What size is 3/8 inch bolt?” Danny is sitting to the side just upset that Emily gets to read the instructions and he can’t go back to his X Box.

Emma suddenly starts screaming, pointing at the ground, and hoping around on tip toes. “A caterpillar!” She proceeds to tell us her childhood trauma story about a caterpillar (seriously) while we toss the centipede into the lake.

Back to Step 1.

I ask “where’s the tape measure?”

“What tape measure?”

“Seriously” I ask? I intentionally didn’t tell the kids where the tools were. The two large overfilled buckets of tools were sitting just inside the front door for three weeks now, just 4 feet away. They tripped over them repeatedly. They moved them a couple feet to make room for lounging on cushions the night before.

Emily goes to the kitchen drawer and gets the tape measure.

I ripped open the bag of hardware and dumped it on the porch. I sort the various sizes of nuts and bolts into piles.

Emma asks “Why don’t they have them sorted in separate bags with nice labels on them?” Good question.

I show them the difference between a ½ inch bolt and a 3/8, we measure the lengths and finally the honor student trio gets it. Step 1 gets going. Emily reads “Using 4 ½ x 3/8 bolts and wiz nuts attach the lower cross bar to the front of the sides making sure the side with the safety stickers is on the left.”

Emma giggles “Wiz nut.”

Emily asks “Which side is the left?”

Danny asks “What’s a wiz nut?”

I reply “A very smart nut.” I show them the three types of nuts, lock nut, wiz nut, and normal nut. I ask if the understand the types of nuts now. They giggle.

Danny and Emma hold the sides while Emily attaches the cross beam.

I go back to moving a wood pile. On the way there I look back to see one loosely attached side falling down as they were discussing where to find “tightening thingies.” When I’m done moving the pile, I went back to check on the progress. They were up to step three. They obviously found the tools because there was a complete selection of “tightening thingies” laid out including most sizes of wrenches and two different socket drivers. They had worked out a method of who gets to read instructions. And whenever any one of them said “wiz nut” the other two yelled “wiz nut.” I was enjoying watching too much to go do anything else. So I made busy work nearby, just straightening and stuff.

Over the next hour they pretty well set up the whole thing. I helped with the important stuff like attaching the cable to the winch and aligning the bunks. Emma got to read step 8 which was the winch install. It had step 8a through 8g so she ended up doing most of the reading. In the end there were only three leftover parts including a spring. But the instructions said “you will not need this spring in any part of this process.” So Danny wore it on his nose instead. Another leftover was a spare bolt for holding the wheel on. Unfortunately it was larger than the one we needed for the other lift.

Step 8G said “When you are done your hands will look like this.” And there was a picture of really dirty hands. We held up our hands and sure enough they looked like the picture. So we must have done it right.

Lunch interrupted before any more progress was made. And soon Emily and Emma were watching a movie, Danny was playing video games, and I was off to sail. But first Rob Plummer and the Frissora family showed up to collect the E-Scow. That took some time to get rigged and launched.

After sailing I came back to find the new lift almost in place, Danny out on the jetski, and the girls searching for big flat rocks to put under the feet. After putting the MC-Scow on the lift, I help the girls drag the new lift to shore. I used a “tightening thingy” to loosen the leg bolts and adjust the legs. The two strong-like-bull girls and I carried it back in place. Danny brought the big Yamaha in then, a landing and pretty much failed. Both girls had to guide him in.

In the end we have more parking space, a large collection of empty trailers above, and a dock littered with lifts and boats. Both jetskis are in and functional. The old one works well enough after some adjusting of the carburetor. We have wireless working, but the cable between the houses needs to be lifted out of the way attached to the houses.

All in all, we are open for business.